I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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