HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
