They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
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