somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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