Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Randomize
