She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize