i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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