This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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