True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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