When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
