Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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