fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
