All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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