Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
