Your tits are I can't wait for
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Success! We fucked roommates!
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