I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Randomize
