I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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