You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
