a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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