Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
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