and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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