and next time when you feel me up, do it right
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
