You can't special order awesome
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
