Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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