she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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