I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
