I just cut my nipple shaving
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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