So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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