Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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