White coat. Heels.
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
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