how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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