Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
