haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
it hurts more in the daytime
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
