So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Randomize
