he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
