should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
