I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
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