god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
