I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
