Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Randomize
