I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
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