guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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