just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
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