I wish you could order shots online.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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