first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
