Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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