Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
