i permit you to call me
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
