I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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