Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize
