saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I need to stop coming to work sober
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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