I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
