He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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