He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
