my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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