She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize