When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
