So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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