There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
My Higher Power is John Stamos
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
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