If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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