Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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