were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
