You're a womanizer and a bitch.
i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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