ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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