I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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