My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
