your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize