she was so not down for the gang bang
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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