dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
im drinking this country out of the recession.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
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