you would pick up someone in the library
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Randomize
