I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
