BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
