guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
