Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
