I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
