I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
