Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
