is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
