the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
