Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Randomize
