What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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