Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Drake has all the answers
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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