he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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