nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
