i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
