I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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