Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Randomize
