She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize