my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Randomize