I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
