Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
