The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Randomize
