i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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