I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
