i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Randomize
