It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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