I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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