how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
