I haven't been this sober since birth.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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