I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
