Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Shame - the story of my life.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
