chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
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