remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
