My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
