If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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