We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
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