You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
