Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
