Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
